


Walter Skinner’s Stray Rat Rules

by Ursula



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-08
Updated: 2004-08-08
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:27:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursula/pseuds/Ursula
Summary: How to care for your stray rat





	Walter Skinner’s Stray Rat Rules

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Walter Skinner’s Stray Rat Rules

by Ursula

 

 

Adapted from Emily's Stray Cat Rules: I used a few in my Walter Skinner Ties One On, but it was so much fun to play with, I had to finish it. 

 

 

Stray Rats will not be fed. 

 

Stray Rat will not be fed anything but leftovers tossed on the ground, 

outside on the balcony. 

 

Stray Rats will not be fed anything except canned chicken soup served in a spare margarine container on the balcony. 

 

Stray Rats will not be fed anything except homemade chicken soup, fortified with a few dumplings. Oh, and chocolate, but not the best chocolate that you save for Fox. 

 

Stray Rats will not try to make Fox jealous when they are eating HIS chocolate. 

 

Stray Rats will not be encouraged to make this apartment their permanent residence and will not be petted, played with, hugged and cuddled. 

 

Stray Rats will not be petted, played with, hugged and cuddled 

unnecessarily except when actually having sex. 

 

Stray Rats that are petted, played with, hugged and cuddled will absolutely not be called by their first name. "Agent" spoken in a sarcastic tone or a semi-affectionate Rat-boy will do nicely. 

 

Stray Rats will not have special toys bought for them so that they will be 

tempted to come closer. Bondage gear and dildos that Fox finds boring will do nicely. 

 

Stray Rats whether called by Agent, Rat-boy, or first name will not be allowed inside the bedroom at any time. 

 

Stray Rats will not be allowed inside the bedroom except at certain times, maybe holidays or when you want some really hot sex or when you want to watch the Fox and the Rat play... 

 

Stray Rats will not be allowed inside bedroom except on days ending in "y." 

 

Stray Rats will not beat up Fox when they come inside the house on days ending in "Y." (Unless he asks ... because he does KINKY so well) 

 

 

Stray Rats allowed inside will not be permitted to hump on the couch or 

sharpen their Plams on the furniture. 

 

Stray Rats will not be permitted to hump on, or sharpen Plams on the really good furniture. 

 

Stray Rats will not be allowed to nibble and leave bite marks on the people nice enough to give them a home. 

 

Stray Rats will not slip their hand inside of people's pants, pulling down their tighty whities, when they are allowed to nibble and leave bite marks on the people nice enough to give them a home. (Okay, wait, just not in public, Alex dear.) 

 

 

Stray Rats will sleep outside, chained to the balcony. 

 

Stray Rats will sleep outside, chained to the balcony, unless it's raining. 

 

Stray Rats will sleep on the couch. 

 

Stray Rats will sleep in the bedroom, but not on the bed. 

 

Stray Rats will sleep on an old blanket in a corner of the bedroom. 

 

Stray Rats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed. (Stop pouting, Fox.) 

 

Stray Rats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot. 

 

Stray Rats will not be allowed to curl up on our pillows, tickle one ear with their tongue, and purr in the other ear all night. 

 

Stray Rats will not be allowed to sleep between us. 

 

Stay Rats will not be allowed to sleep between us unless that's where they collapses after the third round of steamy sex. 

 

Stray Rats will be allowed to sleep between us at all times...just not on top of us, Alex dear. 

 

Oh, all right, all right, on top of us if you must, Ratty-love....


End file.
